Akatsuki FUQ
by Mina Uchiha
Summary: Just what the title says, Akatsuki Frequently Unanswered Questions where I, Mina, will ask all the members of our favourite evil world ominating organisation those questions which are burning in our minds... No lemons! Just freaky jokes and question.
1. Ame, Itachi, Sasori and Deidara

_**Akatsuki FUQ**_

_**(Akatsuki Frequently Unanswered Questions)**_

**Genre: Humour/ Down right illogical stupidity!**

**Rating: T/ M**

**Rating is only for some jokes with an adult theme… but nothing too heavy… I can't help it, Akatsuki jokes are not fun without a little tease!**

**Summary****: Oh yes, this, my fellow fans, is an account of all the "frequently asked questions" which are always left unanswered. Those answers which the Akatsuki refuses to answer but I, Ame, will get the answers out of them today- means of doing it- utter mental torture! MUAHAHAHA!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor am I the Okashira of Akatsuki (Though I wish I was…)…**

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

_**Ame:**_ This whole account will be all-in-one with the interrogation of all the Akatsuki members including the ex-Akatsuki member. If you, the readers, have any questions which you want answered, please contact me with those questions by either reviewing or emailing (preferably reviewing ).

Now we begin with our favourite shinobi from the cursed clan, _Uchiha Itachi!!_

_-Applause-_

_**Itachi:**_W-what the!?!? Where the hell am I?!? Why the hell am I where I do not know I am!? How the hell did I get here!?

_-Itachi looking baffled- (which you don't see everyday)_

_**Ame:**_ -_chuckles evilly-_ You are in the one place no one dares to come to. You are sitting on the "you-have-to-answer-all-my-questions" chair. Fear me…

_-The light on the top hangs loose and dangles giving a suspense look-_

_**Itachi:**_ O-Okay… Uchiha Itachi does not get scared of a stupid chair. -_closes his eyes and tries to get up-_

_**Ame:**_ HA! I used "Super, SUPER Ultra-strong Permanent Steel Special Akatsuki Member Stick Glue" to stick you here! So there are only two ways that you can get off this chair. One: You can pick up the chair itself and walk out. Then you will have to answer every single questions truthfully to whom ever you come across. Second: Well… you pull hard enough that you detach your bottom from your body.

_**Itachi:**_ -_tries to compose himself_- If you are trying to get some secret Akatsuki information out of me, you are and will in the near future, desperately fail.

_**Ame:**_ Why would I want to know about some stupid secret mojo you guys are doing. I am very happy as it is following the Shippuden episodes. You will spoil all my suspense like that… -_whines-_

_**Itachi:**_ Then what do you want from me? -_Still very composed-_

_**Ame:**_ I will dare to ask the famous Uchiha Itachi-kun, charged with the famous Uchiha Massacre, some questions which have been burning and killing me inside.

_**Itachi:**_ You are just wasting my time, worthless creature. You seriously don't want to suffer the wrath of my-

_**Ame:**_ Yeah yeah, shut your yap! I know the whole "You will suffer from my mighty and awesome Mangekyou Sharingan" and frankly, even though it still is very cool, maybe you should come up with a better slogan. Something like, "And so, once again, everybody has gone mentally insane, thanks to Itachi and his Mangekyou Sharingan" or "Sasuke-kun, I am your brother… Muahahahah!"

_**Itachi:**_ He _is _my brother and he _knows _that I am his brother too. There is nothing diabolical about being that worthless brother of mine's brother. -_rolls his eyes in irritancy-_

_**Ame:**_ Don't you mock me! Okay, so now I will start with my torture, Itachi-kun so beg for Lady Mercy to be on your side.

_**Itachi:**_ It's Lady Luck, not Lady Mercy.

_**Ame:**_ Urusai! I know that! So first question: When I saw you wipe out the entire Uchiha clan, I noticed you left your brother alive. (Urusai means shut up, just like Uruse, but you all should know this by now if you are a die-hard fan of Naruto!)

_**Itachi:**_ Gee, you noticed that? I thought no one would know I left him alive… Only a genius can figure that out… -_narrows his eyes in sarcasm-_

_**Ame: **__flames in eyes_ Enough with the cynicism. So, you left him alive. Now tell me very honestly, did you _actually and in sheer reality _leave Uchiha Sasuke alive because you loved him too much to kill him? -_grins-_

_**Itachi:**_ WHAT!?!? Who in fuckin' hell told you that!? I left him alive because I thought he would be a good person to test my skills in the future! Not because I "loved" him!! -_finally looses his cool-_

_**Ame:**_ -_narrows and rolls eyes in disbelief--_ ahan, keep telling yourself that honey!

_**Itachi:**_ You are seriously starting to test my patience!

_-opens his eyes wide and his eyes shift into the Mangekyou Sharingan mode-_

_**Ame:**_ That mumbo-jumbo technique aint gonna work on me dear! I have state-of-the-art CIA Men In Black glasses of the 21st century! instantly puts on black glasses and stays unaffected

_**Itachi:**_ Kuso! When I get off this chair I am so going to rip you apart limb from limb!

_**Ame:**_ Until then, my next question: Did you ever have a girl friend? -_opens eyes bright in anticipation-_

_**Itachi:**_ NO! I don't have time for all that crap. It makes you weak and vulnerable!

_**Ame:**_ Aww Itachi-kun, you shouldn't be that harsh… you should try having one sometime… someone as cruel and ruthless as me would fit very well with you_… -snickers-_

_**Itachi:**_ Hey look, you dropped something: Your respect!

_**Ame:**_ Itachi-kun! That hurts… imagine how many other fan girls die in your name everyday… give them at least some hope for life.

_**Itachi:**_ I am NEVER gonna have a girl friend!

_**Ame:**_ I have no reason to live anymore… _falls to the ground and_ _whimpers_

_**Itachi:**_ Feh! Baka!

_**Ame:**_ -_suddenly jumps up and looks as if nothing happened_- So our next question: Some people put you and Haruno Sakura together in fanfictions. Do you secretly have an affair with Haruno Sakura? -_raises eyebrows-_

_**Itachi:**_ Who? Who the hell is- oh wait… I remember! She is one of the shinobis under Kakashi-san… Hell no I ain't havin' an affair with that girly girl! She really freaks me out with the pink hair and "unwomanly" looks! I mean… the first time I saw her, I really was surprised that she was a girl! (A/n No offense to Sakura fans because I also like her in Shippuden, not in Naruto, but in Naruto Shippuden!)

_**Ame:-**_ _grins_ -Take that Sakura! I told you Naruto was right when he said "It's okay Sakura-chan, you haven't changed one bit!"

_**Itachi:**_ -_sweat-drops-_ You know, I am not the only Akatsuki member in the world!

_**Ame:**_ YUSH! Lets bring out Sasori Of The Red Sand!

_**-Applause-**_

_**Sasori:**_ Where am I? -_Looks around as if nothing big has happened-_

_**Ame:**_ You are here to answer my questions, Sasori. And you will not be able to go until you give me the answers!

_**Sasori**_: What can you do if I walk out that door? -_points to the small wooden door with the huge sign of "EXIT" on it-_

_**Itachi:**_ It's no use, she has glued us with "Super, DUPER Ultra-strong Permanent Steel Special Akatsuki Member Stick Glue" to stick us here… there is no way for us to escape without actually walking out with this chair stuck to our behinds…

_**Sasori:**_ I seriously don't want to use my puppets against a girl… -_narrows eyes in superiority-_

_**Ame:**_ Aren't you a puppet with double standards!? No man can live a day without a woman_… -lowers voice and mumbles- _excluding emo people like Sasuke! But that is besides the point! Weren't you the one who was exiting a hooker's club just yesterday night… or should I say today early morning!?!

_**Sasori:**_ -_eyes wide in horror and shock-_ H-How did you find out!?! No one knows that I go-

_**Ame:**_ Now every friggen' person in the world knows!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!

_**Itachi:**_ Sasori, I knew from the start you were _that _low but did you have to bring down Akatsuki's name this low too? Why couldn't you be low without the whole world finding out!? -_Narrows eyes in detest and disappointment-_

_**Sasori:**_ I thought I made sure no one would find out! There wasn't anyone around when I go out!

_**Ame:**_ SO YOU REALLY DID GO TO THAT CLUB!?! Haha, I was just blowing you off! But you- -_falls on the floor laughing-_

_**Sasori:**_ I just told you that I spend my nights at Hookers'…

_**Ame**_: _Every night?!?!_ Oh I didn't think it would be this easy to embarrass an Akatsuki member!! This just keeps on getting better! _-laughs uncontrollably-_

_**Itachi:**_ -_Looks at Sasori and twitches eyes-_ Teme wa… (Teme wa means 'you Bastard')

_**Sasori:**_ -_laughs nervously-_ I didn't m-mean e-every-

_**Ame:**_ Okay, on to my next question! Do you still look as hot as you did when you first left Suna? _-stars in eyes-_

_**Itachi**_: Sasori was low, but you are lower… mumbles at Ame

_**Sasori:**_ Yes, actually I haven't aged since then!

_**Ame:**_ Kakkoi!! (Kakkoi means cool) But you shouldn't have made that stupid puppet around you! You look like an Old Geezer! Otherwise, you're a hunk!

_**Itachi**_: He _is _an old GEEZER!

_**Ame:**_ Next question: Does your nose grow long when you lie?!

_**Sasori:**_ -_twitches eyes- _N-No…

_-nose elongates-_

_**Ame:**_ HA! It does when you lie!

_**Sasori:**_ No it doesn't!!

_-Nose gets longer-_

_**Itachi:**_ -_moves back in shock-_ S-Sasori, what the fuck is wrong with that nose of yours!?

_**Sasori**__: -tries to pull in his nose but to no avail- _N-Nothing!

_**Itachi:**_ -_starts laughing insanely-_ N-No wonder you never played 'Bluff' or 'Truth or Dare'!!

_**Ame:**_ -_hoots while laughing-_ Sasori you are too easy!

_**Itachi:**_ I have to admit, I have one less thing to hate Ame about! I would have never found this out and would have never found a way to torture and black mail you for the rest of your life if it wasn't for her question! -_still laughing-_

_**Sasori:**_ -_pulls in nose completely-_ Hmph!

_**Ame:**_ -_wipes tears of laughter-_ Okay next question: chokes from laughter Okay back to serious business. Do you ever wish to become a real boy- I mean man?

_**Sasori:**_ I _purposely _turned myself into a puppet. Why would I want to become a human again, retard?!

_**Ame:**_ Put one of your broken wooden tooth underneath your pillow and the Fairy God Mother will come and make you human again!

_**Sasori:**_ Are you like seriously retarded!?! What is your fuckin' problem?!

_**Ame:**_ Do you brush your teeth or do you put that piece of cloth on your mouth so that people can't smell your stinky breath and see your brown wooden teeth? -_asks innocently-_

_**Sasori:**_ -_burns in fury-_ My _BREATH DOESN'T STINK! _So shut your yap!

_**Ame:**_ Did you have no friends in your childhood that you sought to puppets?

_**Sasori:**_ That's a lie! I did have friends when I was young! -_folds into a ball and buries head in his legs, mumbling incoherent words of hatred and loneliness-_

_**Ame:**_ Sure… you are just like that Kankurou guy.

_**Itachi:**_ No wonder I always over heard you talking to yourself… but I knew you would never be insane enough to talk to yourself… you… _YOU USED TO BE TALKING TO YOUR PUPPETS!!!!!! -falls back on the chair, head dangling down from the back, laughing tears coming out of the eyes-_

_**Sasori:**_ Uruse! I DONNOT TALK TO MY PUPPETS! Itachi, who's side are you on anyways_? -eyes Itachi sarcastically -(Urusai means shut up!)_

_**Itachi:**_ Shikatane, you are making your life hell yourself so don't blame me if I laugh at your stupidity! -_tries to control laughter -(Shikatane means "It cannot be helped")_

_**Sasori:**_ Baka yaro, futari tomo! Get off my case!! -_fumes in anger-_ (Baka yaro means you fools/ jerks and futari tomo means both of you)

_**Ame:**_ Seriously Sasori, you need serious help! Or some wood polish to start with… -_giggles-_

_**Sasori:**_ Fuck off! -_turns head away-_

_**Ame:**_ Maa maa, you shouldn't get this angry. It is bad for your wooden heart… So I think we should spare our Sasori-danna for some time… Lets bring out _my favourite blonde, Deidara_!!

_-Applause-_

_-The third light turns on from above and a figure with blonde hair covering the face appears…-_

_**Deidara:**_ -_flips his flick-_ I know I'm the best, yeah…

_**Ame**_: -_stars in eyes-_ oh yes you are Deidara-kun!

_**Itachi**_: -_looks at Deidara sarcastically-_ Self-praised loser!

_**Deidara:**_ Don't be jealous, Itachi-kun, yeah. Actually, I am not only praised by my own self, but the whole world praises me!! MUAHAHA!! -_closes eyes and starts getting caught up in thought of self…-_

_**Ame:**_ WE LOVE YOU DEIDARA-KUN!! -_falls on the ground freakishly-_

_**Itachi:**_ Wimp!

_**Deidara:**_ I told you already, don't be jealous! -_grins-_ My good looks and hair charms can leave anyone breathless, yeah…

_**Itachi**_: … -_mumbles under breath-_ even people like my emo brother…

_**Ame:**_ So Deidara-kun, what shampoo do you use…?

_**Deidara:**_ You think I'll tell you, yeah!? It's my own special recipe of egg and Sikakai and yogurt and mustard and cinnamon and 99 different oils and-

_**Ame:**_ O-Okay that's enough…_ -looks nervously at how down right freaky Deidara can get about his hair-_

_**Itachi:**_ Hey Deidara, aren't you at all bugged about where you are or how you got here or why you are stuck to the chair?

_**Deidara:**_ Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that because I was too consumed in myself and my awesomely good looks, yeah. Why am I here?

_**Ame:**_ You are HERE at my Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer!!

_**Deidara**_: Oh yeah, so if it is so secretive, why was there a gigantic and not-so-hidden "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer, do not disturb" sign outside, yeah?

_**Ame:**_ Well it is there because- C-Chotto matte yo! How did you know what my layer looks like from the outside??!! (Chotto matte means wait a second)

_**Deidara:**_ You do know that our Top Secret Akatsuki Hide-out is your neighbor and I have crossed that huge "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer, Do Not Disturb" sign like everyday! Did you really think it wasn't obvious at all, yeah?? You must really be slow to the head…-_eyes Ame like she is a retard-_

_**Ame:**_ Hehe… I purposely made my layer next to yours… It was easier to teleport you here… -_nervously holds and rubs hand with hand-_

_**Deidara:**_ Why do I feel like my butt is glued to this chair…_ -tries to desperately get up and stand-_

_**Sasori:**_ No use, Deidara. She has glued us here with "Super, DUPER Ultra-strong Permanent Steel Special Akatsuki Member Stick Glue"

_**Deidara:**_ O-Okay... so let me get this straight. You are an obsessed fan who is trying to get us to answer the questions we have never answered before by driving us insane, yeah…?

_**Ame:**_ Yup… that is exactly who I am and what I am going to do with you people… -_beams in pride-_

_**Itachi:**_ Not that I like you or anything Deidara, but your Sasori-danna actually has a nose- _gets strangled by Sasori_

_**Deidara:**_ -_looks puzzled-_ What?

_**Sasori:**_ URUSE!

_**Itachi:**_ -_pushes Sasori aside-_ His nose grows long when he lies… -_starts laughing again-_

_**Deidara:**_ What? Is that true Sasori-danna, yeah?

_**Sasori:**_ NO! Kore wa uso! -_tries to pretend as if nothing will happen_- (Kore wa uso means that's a lie!)

_-Sasori's nose grows long again-_

_**Deidara:**_ S-Sasori-danna… your nose… its… umm… _t-ries to find a more polite way to describe Sasori's nose while his eyes pop out in shock-_

_-Itachi starts laughing again with Ame-_

_**Deidara**_: Umm… its… -_gives up trying to be decent-_ Your nose is freakin' fucked up! It's like… so long, yeah! -_Laughs hysterically-_

_**Sasori:**_ Not you too, Deidara. Look Ame, ask your stupid questions, I don't like it when people keep me waiting...-_ tries to ignore the hysterical people beside him-_

_**Deidara**_: Yeah, you shouldn't keep Sasori-danna waiting… who "NOSE" what he will do to you…!!! -_breaks out into another round of laughter with Itachi and Ame-_

_**Itachi:**_ Wait, Wait… what about this? Sasori shouldn't be asked any confidential questions! He "NOSE" too much! -_both start laughing again-_

_**Deidara:**_ Yeah, Sasori-danna "NOSE" all!! _still… -laughing…-_

_**Sasori:**_ Fuzakeru nai, you three or you are all going to die slow and painful deaths…! (Fuzakeru nai means don't fuck with me)

_**Ame:**_ -_stops laughing-_ Okay Deidara, next question: Have you ever eaten with those hands of yours?

_**Deidara:**_ Actually well yeah, yeah! But the taste buds in my hands are really weird so I don't eat from there…

_**Ame:**_ But your hands cant be directly connected to the esophagus so where does the food go?

_**Deidara:**_ I don't know… maybe Sasori-danna "NOSE"!!

_-Both Itachi and Deidara start laughing again-_

_**Ame:**_ Okay… Now it's getting old. Anyways… you aren't a natural blonde, are you?

_**Deidara:**_ -_suddenly gets serious-_ I AM TOO! This is my natural hair color, yeah! I get so fuckin' pissed when people doubt my hair color!

_**Itachi:**_ You are such a girl… maybe that Haruno Sakura gave half her hormones to you or something… -_points to Deidara-_

_**Deidara:**_ Yeah, very funny! I care about my looks and hair Itachi-kun! Don't pretend you don't care about your looks! I've seen you standing in front of the mirror for hours, thinking of methods to hide pimples on your face!

_**Itachi:**_ _flames_ I DON'T HAVE PIMPLES ON MY FACE! I use Neutrogena Anti-Acne for an Acne-less and Perfect skin, plus, it also is Anti-aging to reduce wrinkles and keeps my face rejuvenated 24 hours a day!!

_**Deidara:**_ SEE! You do care for your skin, yeah! -_smirks-_

_**Ame:**_ Itachi-kun, you just sounded like a commercial… -_narrows eyes in sarcasm-_

_**Itachi:**_ You are so lucky you have those "state-of-the-art CIA Men In Black glasses of the 21st century" or else…_ -grits teeth-_

_**Deidara:**_ Yeah, like what is up with those glasses of yours, yeah?

_**Ame:**_ It protects me from Itachi-kun's super awesome and all-powerful Mangekyou Sharingan…

_**Deidara**_: Itachi-kun, is she serious? Could your famous Mangekyou Sharingan actually be outsmarted by something as feeble as those "state-of-the-art CIA Men In Black glasses of the 21st century", yeah? -_asks in amazement-_

_**Itachi**_: _grits teeth in anger and annoyance_ Stupid "state-of-the-art CIA Men In Black glasses of the 21st century"…

_**Ame**_: Nee, Deidara-kun… when are you going to finally have a sex change operation…?

_**Deidara**_: W-Why would I wanna have that?!?

_**Ame:**_ I dunno, it's just a frequently unanswered question… -_shrugs in annoyance-_

_**Deidara: **_My fans do tend to ask some freaky questions… -_rubs head-_

_**Ame:**_ Okay… enough of this bullshit! Lets bring in another Akatsuki member…-_everyone points to the shadow-_Hoshigaki Kisame of the Hidden Mist!

_-applause-_

_**Kisame:**_ W-Where am I!?! -_looks awkwardly at Itachi, Deidara and Sasori...-_ and why does my butt feel like its stuck to the chair? -_awkwardly asks-_

_**Deidara:**_ She has stuck us all with "Super, DUPER Ultra-strong Permanent Steel Special Akatsuki Member Stick Glue" so we don't escape…

_**Ame:**_ You are in MY evil "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer"… so fear your worst nightmare…!! _-laughs out diabolically-_

_**Kisame: **_My worst nightmare was fighting that Might Guy dude in a pink mini skirt with white frills on the bottom… -_informs-_

_**Ame:**_ Uh… okay…-_ confused-_

_**Itachi: **_I did not just hear that… -_Sees Ame and Deidara laughing hysterically and glares at Kisame-_ I am surrounded by buffoons… _hits his head with his palm_

_**Deidara:**_ K-Kisame _still laughing_ I could just imagine you with that skirt… and you look… no offense dude but you would look… like a freakin' UGLY HAG!!!!!! -_Both Ame and Deidara start laughing-_

_**Kisame:**_ -_huffs and turns to Sasori in anger- _You don't think that, do you Sasori…?

_**Sasori: -**looks at him for a while… then laughs and is about to say something while shaking his head when-_

_**Itachi:**_ Careful Sasori, I don't think you wanna lie about this by taking Kisame's side… -_grins-_

_**Deidara:**_ Yeah, like Sasori-danna, he might know too much… I mean, right now, he "NOSE" nothing… -_Itachi and Deidara start laughing again hysterically-_

_**Ame:**_ God that is getting old!

_-Sasori looks away while forcing himself to stay quiet-_

_**Kisame:**_ -_looks in utter confusion-_ Would someone fill me in… oh never mind! Why the hell am I in your evil "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer?

_**Ame: **_To be interrogated, duh! It wouldn't take a half wit to understand what happens when your stuck in any evil "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer…

_**Kisame**_: You cant interrogate the Akatsuki… we are the most evil organization in the world! We steel babies…!!! -_beams in fury-_

_**Deidara: **_Uh Kisame… That's not our story, yeah…

_**Itachi: **_That's Rumpelstilskin, you dumb fuck! -_Looks at Kisame as if he was a retard-_

_**Kisame: **_Oh.. yeah… I forgot! -_looks at Itachi nervously…-_

_**Ame:**_ Right… so my first question to you Kisame… was your mom a shark, or Dad a shark or were you a test tube baby… or did you have DNA mutation or something?? -_eyes pop out in curiosity-_

_**Kisame:**_ I'll tell you! It was… umm… wait… I'm remembering… I know this one… It's in the back of my mind… its there…………… -_sighs-_ okay it's not there! I don't know my parents and who was who…

_-Itachi and Deidara twitch eyes-_

_**Ame: **_… Right… okay… next question: Is it true that you had played with 'Bratz' and 'Barbie Repunzel" when you were younger and you used to be a fan of Spice Girls and Brittany Spears…?

_**Sasori: **_You better not say-

_**Kisame: **_OF COURSE NOT! I NEVER PLAYED WITH 'BRATZ' Or 'Barbie Repunzel'!

_**Itachi:**_ Finally, someone gives a decent and worthwhile answer… -_sighs in relief-_

_**Kisame:**_ 'Barbie Repunzel' is seriously not my type. I had 'Barbie Swan Lake' if you must… if you must… I did not just say that out loud… -_closes eyes in embarrassment-_

_**Itachi: **_Kisame, you are never going to be seen with me again! -_backs away from Kisame-_

_**Deidara: **_I'll pretend I never even heard that and let you go… I think…- _twitches eyes like there is no tomorrow-_

_**Ame: **_Oh GOD I didn't think Itachi-kun's Akatsuki could fall so low as to hire shinobis who played with 'Barbie Swan Lake'!! This is priceless!! -_falls on the floor laughing-_

_**Sasori: **_If you had done something _that _fuckin'embarrassing while you were a kid, did you have to have to say it OUTLOUD! You disgrace the Akatsuki, Kisame! -_growls-_

_**Kisame: **_What do you mean, "When I was a kid…"… okay I wasn't supposed to say that either… -_rubs cheek with index finger-_

_**Deidara: **_OKAY now I am so NOT gonna pretend I didn't hear that! Boy, Kisame, your future life will so be hell!! You play with DOLLIES!!

_**Kisame**_: I didn't say that!! URUSE! Itachi-san, tell him to shut up! -_whines-_

_**Itachi: **_Do I look like your mother or boyfriend that I would start defending you like that, you excuse for an Akatsuki Member! You are SO not my partner anymore… I don't want people to see me with a half human confused shark who STILL plays with Barbies!!

_**Kisame: -**curls up into a ball and starts muffling weird and sharky words-_… That's harsh…

_**Itachi**_: I so need to talk to the leader to get freakin' pieces of crap outta the Akatsuki!

_**Deidara: **_Itachi-kun, you shouldn't say that. -_shakes head and finger-_

_**Kisame: **_Finally, someone takes my side! I love you Deidara-kun!!

_**Deidara: -**looks at Kisame like he's a mad-shark-_ What you should've said, Itachi-kun, was that you would want to talk to the Leader about getting the 'Freakin' piece of 'girly-girl pink' piece of crap out!

_**Kisame: **_U-Uh! _chokes_

_**Itachi: **_My apologies, Kisame, for not addressing to you correctly…

_**Ame:**_ -_still laughing hysterically- _each member has something GRAND up his sleeve… like BARBIES!

_**Kisame:**_ -_still looking away-_… Urusai!

_**Ame:**_ Okay, I am gonna come back to you, 'Barbie Swan Lake', but for now, lets welcome the ever-so-hunky-yet-religious dude, Hidan!

_-Crowd starts praying and saying Amen-_

_-Another light is turned on from the side and a figure with his hands clasped is sitting on the chair with his eyes closed-_

--------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Okay I am tired now and my brain has stopped processing not-so-humorous humour which is a desperate attempt for humour… I am going to update soon and this will only have two chapters which are going to be up in exactly 2 days…!!**_

_**Thanks and keep reviewing!**_

_**JA NE!**_


	2. AMe, Hidan and Kakuzu

_**Akatsuki FUQ**_

_**(Akatsuki Frequently Unanswered Questions)**_

**Genre: Humour/ Down right illogical stupidity!**

**Rating: T/ M**

**Rating is only for some jokes with an adult theme… but nothing too heavy… I can't help it, Akatsuki jokes are not fun without a little tease!**

_**Here is the second chapter and hopefully the last chapter of 'Akatsuki FUQ' so I hope you enjoy it… cuz it will have the same cheesy and corny humour as before! –hoots-**_

_**Disclaimer: Me no owny…!**_

_**-------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**Ame:**_ Okay, I am gonna come back to you, 'Barbie Swan Lake', but for now, let's welcome the ever-so-hunky-yet-religious dude, Hidan!

_-Crowd starts praying and saying Amen-_

_-Another light is turned on from the side and a figure with his hands clasped is sitting on the chair with his eyes closed-_

_**Itachi:**_ There he goes again with his prayer… if Kakuzu would've been here, he would have so kicked Hidan's butt!

_**Ame:**_ uh Hidan, that's enough of the prayer…

_**Hidan:**_ And please help me in gaining an even more gorgeous body and please keep my hair like this forever and please don't give me wrinkles when I grow old and thank you for providing me with food to fill my stomach with. Amen

_**Sasori:**_ That's quite enough, new-bee, you should thank the leader for filling your stomach for now…

_**Hidan:**_ I was going to- W-wait… where am I? I thought I was in the temple but…

_**Ame:**_ Welcome, Hidan, to me top secret layer…!!!

_**Hidan:**_ What top secret layer?

_**Deidara:**_ It's her evil "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer" which is based directly next to our Akatsuki top secret layer…

_**Hidan:**_ Hontou? Is there a shrine inside because I don't see one… maybe I should make one for you so that you can pray without even leaving your layer. -_says over-excitedly_-

_**Ame:**_ T-That's okay, Hidan, I can go to the shrine, I don't mind_… -rubs head and sweat-drops-_

_**Hidan: **_If you say so… so have you kept all of us here for interrogation…?

_**Ame: **_HAI!!!! -_beams in pride again-_ I am going to as you some "Frequently Unanswered Questions"…

_**Hidan**_: You cant do that, we are the Akatsuki, we are the most evil diabolical organization in the world!! _-protests-_

_**Kisame:**_ Yeah, we eat little girls with red scarves!!

_**Deidara: **_You stupid ass, that's the story of Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf who eats her, not the story of Akatsuki, yeah!

_**Itachi:**_ -_shakes head in disappointment-_ I am STILL surrounded by morons…

_**Ame**_: So on with the interrogation-

_**Hidan:**_ Not yet. If you have to start, I need to go through the 'Before-you-start-being-tortured-by-torturous-interrogation-by-a-person-named-Ame-then-pray-this' ritual before you start… -_starts clasping his hands, closing his eyes and muttering odd words to himself-_

_**Ame: **_O-Okay…

_**Hidan: **_-_breaks away from the prayer_- By the way, why don't you guys just beat the crap out of this Ame character and get out of here?

_**Sasori: **_Don't you think we already tried that, shit head!?

_**Deidara:**_ Like, yeah, I mean, you think we would have tried to _avoid_ violence?

_**Itachi:**_ Yup, even he is a buffoon…

_**Kisame:**_ Besides, we cant just walk out of here… she has glued us here with "Super, DUPER Ultra-strong Permanent Steel Special Akatsuki Member Stick Glue"… its Ultra-strong!

_**Hidan:**_ Then all we can do is hope for the best and… PRAY!!

_**Ame:**_ -_sighs_- so here is my question to you-

_**Hidan**_: Bless this interrogation, Amen. _opens eyes_

_**Ame:**_ _-shrugs-_ So Hidan, have you ever slept with a woman before?

_**Hidan:**_ N-No!! That is ridiculous… It is absolutely against my Buddhist teachings! I am not married so I will not even think of adultery…

_**Kisame:**_ You are really pathetic… -_narrows eyes_-

_**Deidara:**_ -_whispers in Sasori's ears_- No actually, that just proves that he's gay…

_**Ame:**_ That's nice… I think… but anyways! Do you know your ABC?

_**Hidan**_: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P- -_sings in the nursery rhyme tune-_

_**Itachi**_: Okay… that is just down right freakin' disturbing…!!

_**Kisame**_: -_starts swaying with the jolly tune-_ Q R S T U V… umm… Hidan, fill me in…

_**Hidan**_: W X Y Z!! Now I know my A B C, next time wont you sing with me? _-still in the tune-_

_**Itachi, Deidara, Ame and Sasori**_: NO! -_in unison-_

_**Hidan**_: Hontou? Suit yourself…

_**Ame**_: Is it true that you have used a little bit of Kakashi's hair and had a hair transplant to get those silvery…. Um… some color hair?

_**Hidan**_: No actually, his silver is a little lighter than mine… but I like mine better!

_**Deidara**_: But naturally, mine is better!

_**Ame**_: No one asked you… -_rolls eyes-_

_**Hidan**_: It is not! Jashin-sama has blessed me with better hair and better looks, hontou…

_**Deidara**_: That's it! You are going down monk-dude, yeah! I am so gonna blow the HOLY shit outta you, yeah!

_-starts to stuff his hands in the bags beside him-_

_**Ame**_: I wouldn't do that if I were you… if you make something explode in such a compact place, Hidan wouldn't be the only one without a single body…

_**Itachi**_: Get your hands out of that thing, Deidara! -_growls_-

_**Deidara**_: -_sighs angrily_- you got away this time, Hidan, but you won't be this lucky the next time!

_**Ame**_: Can you make Chicken Pie?

_**Sasori**_: Of coarse he cant!

_**Hidan**_: Actually, my mom did teach me once on an offering held at the local shrine…

_**Itachi**_: The Akatsuki is officially hopeless…

_**Ame**_: How was your honeymoon with Naruto?

_**Hidan**_: _-looks confused-_ I-I am not gay and I HATE YAOI!

_**Ame**_: How was your honeymoon with Naruto?

_**Hidan**_: I'm telling you I am not gay!! Cant you understand me!?!

_**Ame**_: How was your honey moon with Naruto? 

_**Hidan**_: I am not having an AFFAIR WITH THE ENEMY!!!

_**Ame**_: You call yourself a member of the most evil organization in the world and you cant even answer a simple good or bad question… How was your honey moon with Naruto?

_**Hidan**_: I DIDN'T GO ON A HONEYMOON WITH NARUTO_! -fury rages out-_

_**Ame**_: Why didn't you just say so… no need to scream_… - mumbles under breath-_

_**Sasori**_: I am so gonna get that Kyuubi!

_**Ame**_: -_sweat-drops-_ where did that come from?

_**Itachi**_: Hands off, Sasori, for Naruto-kun is mine!

_**Ame:**_ EW! You are both gay… I really don't know what you see in Naruto… he isn't that attractive a bishounin… -_asks Deidara-_

_**Deidara**_: I don't know… maybe Sasori-danna 'NOSE'!!!!

_-starts laughing again except this time Itachi isn't there to accompany him… he is busy in rivalry with Sasori-_

_**Itachi**_: I AM NOT GAY!! I want the kyuubi inside of him!

_**Ame**_: That still doesn't change who you really are Itachi-kun…

_**Itachi**_: You know… you are really starting to tick me off now! –_screams-_

_**Deidara**_: I have never seen Itachi loose his temper like this before…

_**Kisame**_: I haven't either, and I've been with him the most… _-shrugs-_

_**Itachi**_: Don't you dare say that you, dude-who-plays-wit-barbie-swan-lake-and-listens-to-Brittany-Spears-and-Spice-girls! –screams on Kisame's face- I am _**NEVER**_ to be seen with you again!

_**Hidan**_: Barbie Swan Lake? Brittany Spears? What the hell is that? –_asks in utter confusion-_

_**Kisame**_: NOTHING!

_**Ame**_: Right… so on to our next question! By the way, this question is to you, Deidara.

_**Deidara**_: Yeah?

_**Ame**_: How many times, and answer me honestly, how many times have you actually slept with Sasori?

_**Sasori**_: Don't answer that question!! _–holds his hand up to Deidara-_

_**Deidara**_: Who the hell told you that I slept with him!?!?!

_**Ame**_: So you did sleep with him… _-grins-_

_**Sasori**_: _-smacks head in irritation_- Idiot!

_**Deidara**_: Why do you do that!!??!

_**Ame**_: Do what? –_asks innocently-_

_**Deidara**_: Ask us suspicious questions and let our guilt answer for us!

_**Ame**_: I dunno… maybe cuz I like humiliating you with your guilt! Besides, I need to something about my boredom!

_**Deidara**_: I am so not gay!

_**Ame:**_ Yeah, sure you're not! You sleep with Sasori, who I might remind you is a guy, but you aren't gay… _-rolls eyes-_

_**Sasori**_: He hasn't slept with me!

-_nose elongates-_

_**Deidara**_- Yeah, like that wouldn't give it away, Sasori-danna… -_narrows eyes-_

_**Hidan**_: What's up with your nose, Sasori-sama…?

_**Sasori**_: -puts the huge mask on- N-Nothing… it just… um… it just EXPANDED due to the heat… that's all! –_Sweats in nervousness-_

_**Hidan**_: Hontou? You should've used better wood, you know! _–says informatively-_

_**Kisame**_: Like he wouldn't know better…

_**Ame**_: Question to Hidan. Do you like Tobi better or Kakuzu?

_**Hidan**_: Kakuzu is my partner, of course I like him better… though Tobi isn't that bad…

_**Ame**_: So you are admitting you are having an affair with Kakuzu… -_stating the obvious-_

_**Hidan**_: I-I didn't say that! Yaoi is against my beliefs! –_stumbles upon words-_

_**Ame**_: So how is your affair with Might Guy? –_asks Kisame-_

_**Kisame**_: I am NOT having an affair with that pathetic, loserific, poor-memoried, low-life looser! By the way, you've been harping about our fake relations and affairs! Why don't you tell us how you're affair with Itachi is going?

_**Ame**_: It's been very bland recently but I have nothing to complain about…

_**Itachi**_: -jumps up as much as he could with the chair still stuck to his bum in surprise and shock- W-what! I am not having an affair with you! _–points at Ame-_

_**Ame**_: -_rolls finger on his arm_- Sure you're not, Koishii… (Koishii means darling)

_**Itachi**_: _-tried to get away_- Get away from me!!

_**Kisame**_: You leave Itachi-san alone! –_gets close to Itachi to get Ame away from him protectively-_

_**Itachi**_: _-sees how close Kisame is to his face and suddenly turns away to hug Ame_- Get away from me, Kisame. Don't you even come near me, you're a freakin' she-man!

_**Sasori**_: Is it just me or is it getting hot in here? –the puppet around him suddenly falls off to reveal the ever-so-adorable and cute Sasori-

_**Ame**_: _-lets go of Itachi and starts drooling-_ H-huh… Sasori…

_**Itachi**_: You are so weird! –_eyes_ _Ame-_

_**Ame:**_ -_suddenly regains consciousness_- I know! But you know I would never cheat on you, Itachi-kun!

_**Itachi**_: _-sweat drops_- A-ah…

_**Ame**_: So, Sasori, why did you _**REALLY**_ turn your parents into puppets?

_**Sasori**_: Because I was not getting a worth while allowance from my dad and my mom wasn't baking me my favourite dish… _-closes eyes and states-_

_-Everybody's jaw dropped-_

_**Itachi**_: That's it! You didn't get enough money so you turned your parents into puppets! _–baffles-_

_**Sasori**_: You shouldn't be so surprised, Itachi. You killed your whole clan just to test your capacity…

_**Itachi**_: Oh yeah… well I just said that as a speech of moment's condition… _-rubs head-_

_**Deidara**_: What was your favourite dish, yeah?

_**Sasori**_: Takoyaki with Salsa-honey sauce mixed with Nachos… (Takoyaki is octopus balls)

_-Everyone sweat drops-_

_**Hidan**_: -_holds up finger and beams-_ I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THAT DISH!

_-everyone falls on the floor, face down-_

_**Kisame**_: Hold on –_pointing to the writer-_ how can we fall face down when our butts are sticking to the chair…?

_**Writer**_: It's just a FIGURE PF SPEECH, SHE-MAN!! You cant converse with the writer so get back to you're she-manness!

_**Ame**_: Hey, wasn't I the writer?

_**Writer**_: Urusai!

_**Ame**_: Right… so let us bring in another entry! Please welcome, Kakuzu!

_**Kakuzu**_: Oh come on… just one night… I will make SURE you come back for more- Wait a minute! WHERE THE HECK AM I!?!?!?!

_**Hidan**_: Who WERE YOU TALKING TO!?!?!

_**Kakuzu**_: H-Hidan… umm… no one!

_**Hidan**_: I TOLD YOU! Don't flirt with girls and DON'T invite them to bed! It is against the will of Jashin-sama!

_**Kakuzu**_: Oh shut up! So where am I and HOW DID I GET HERE!? _–tries to regain the anger of the moment-_

_**Ame**_: You are in my "Top Secret 'Completely-Dedicated-to-Akatsuki-interrogation' layer" which is based directly next to our Akatsuki top secret layer!

_**Kakuzu**_: That's a very long name… but don't worry! I wont need to remember it! It will be wiped off from the map in a few seconds! _–spits-_

_**Ame**_: It isn't on a map! It's top secret, you dope!

_**Kakuzu**_: Don't mock me! It's gone anyways…! AHHHHHH!! _–puts all his force in his hand and gets up from his chair to run and destroy the layer-_

_**Ame**_: …

_**Kakuzu**_: _-after a while of charging, notices that he hasn't moved one inch from his original position_- What is up with you're chairs, you freak!?

_**Hidan**_: You cant destroy this place… if this place goes down, so do we. She has glued us here with "Super, DUPER Ultra-strong Permanent Steel Special Akatsuki Member Stick Glue"… so we are bound and all we can do is pray…

_**Kakuzu**_: _-growls-_

_**Ame**_: Kakuzu, Swear on your leader's life that you will speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God.

_**Kakuzu**_: I don't believe in God. –_states blankly_-

_**Hidan**_: -puts up the largest fist with the largest vein popping out anyone has ever seen- WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?

_**Deidara**_: Calm down, Hidan…

_**Kakuzu**_: You wanna piece of me, you weak piece of shit!?

_**Hidan**_: Bring it on! Jashin-sama is with me!

_**Ame**_: Hidan, I have a question… if you have such strong and faithful beliefs in Kami-sama and righteousness like no adultery and stuff… why are you part of an Evil organization who's soul purpose is to destroy and has no code of honor?

_**Hidan**_: Actually… The Akatsuki has a code of honor… get you're respective Kyuubi or become a gay emo guy who is hated by all…

_**Deidara**_: Like Orochimaru, yeah…

_**Itachi**_: That dude is such a loser! He's a total wimp! I cant even understand why he was allowed in the Akatsuki?! I think he didn't actually resign, I think the leader threw him out!

_**Sasori**_: You're just jealous cuz he has the hots for your younger brother and not you…

_**Itachi**_: Okay see… that wasn't even funny… that was just down right wrong… I mean I didn't know you could fall even lower than the Hookers'_… -narrows eyes to Sasori, convincing him enough that this wasn't the real reason behind his feelings towards Orochimaru-_

_**Sasori**_: _-nervously_- Don't say that out loud, Itachi…

_**Itachi**_: What? About you going to Hookers' every night…? _–asks innocently yet conniving-_

_**Kakuzu**__: -starts laughing_- I didn't think you had it in you, Sasori!

_**Ame**_: he has it in him alright…

_**Deidara**_: You know nothing yet, Kakuzu… -_eyes Itachi-_

_**Itachi**_: -_to Deidara_- He 'NOSE' nothing, either!

_-Both start laughing and give a high five-_

_**Ame**_: Would you two stop with the 'NOSE' already… it's so old that it's giving me fuckin' wrinkles!

_**Itachi**_: It aint our fault you can't respect and understand a good joke…

_**Ame**_: It ISNT a good joke… _-says in annoyance-_

_**Deidara**_: What ever… -_rolls eyes and starts laughing again with Itachi-_

_**Sasori**_: It Is amazing how you two can grab something so corny and yet laugh at it still…

_-Hidan, Kakuzu and Kisame look at each other's faces, then to the rest of the four and the towards themselves in confusion-_

_**Hidan**_: What is wrong with those two? –_points to two hysterical Akatsuki members-_

_**Kisame**_: So the effects of the company of Ame has finally gone to Itachi-san's head…

_**Hidan**_: Hontou? I didn't think it would be THIS bad… oh please Jashin-sama be with me and make me strong so that I don't let Ame make me nuts…

_**Kakuzu**_: You don't need to be driven nuts…

_**Hidan**_: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?

_**Kakuzu**_: It means, YOU ARE ALREADY NUTS!

_**Ame: **_Okay… we'll take a break here but stay tuned!

_**Kakuzu**_: This is BEING AIRED!?!? _–screams-_

_**Ame**_: No… I just like saying that… _-snickers and shrugs_-

_**Kakuzu**_: -_sweat-drops-…_

--------------------------------------------------------------------

_**I'm tired so I'll stop here… I know… you must be thanking me that I stopped with all my corniness! Anyways… so I guess I'll have to put another chapter but it will also be up soon enough… so please bare with me!**_

_**Until then… I'll just say that I will introduce a little more of Kakuzu, then Tobi and then finally, the leader!!!!**_

_**Ja NE!**_


End file.
